


Stabitty Stab

by Ratt9, Stormygio



Series: Snorting Poems & Reading Crack [1]
Category: Death Note, Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bad Poetry, Blood and Gore, Crack, Dark Crack, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Gen, Humor, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Murder, Poetry, Rhyming, Ridiculous, Violence, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 05:09:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5992699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ratt9/pseuds/Ratt9, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormygio/pseuds/Stormygio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stuck in traffic because of a goat, Mikami has a lot of time to eat cheese and gloat. In his van he comes up with a plan—to murder Takada!</p>
<p>(Because nothing rhymes with that shit.)</p>
<p>[*** UTTER CRACK ***]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stabitty Stab

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published on February 5, 2013. Its original title on Fanfiction.net is "Stormy Also Had Something To Do With This", and I'm not even sure what I was thinking. My lame attempt at rhyming made me laugh, though.

To Mikami, Takada was a fucking bitch and she needed to die. Mikami was in love with Light, but she was always stealing Light's pie. God never noticed him when he was with her, but he was better than Takada—that was for fucking sure.

In a moment of madness, he devised a plan. He would eat cheese before heading over to her apartment in his van. The van was orange; it had a broken door hinge. Fucking van.

He brought his pen, not his death note. He was going to do this old-school, as though for his creativity he would get a class president vote. Unfortunately, because of a stray goat he got stuck in traffic. It was in such a way that was not so fantastic. Fucking goat.

When he finally arrived at her apartment door, he wasn't sure what he was doing anymore. _Mikami_ , he thought, _what the fuck are you doing? Aren't there people right now you're supposed to be suing?_ Fucking whore.

As though he had something to sell, he rang the goddamn doorbell. When the bitch finally opened it up, he nervously shouted, "Wassup?"

She was definitely Takada, from head to toe. He knew her in this moment to be his ultimate foe. She looked at him before inviting him inside. _Well, Takada_ , he thought, _you are very snide._

With an evil grin he pushed past her. He couldn't possibly move any faster. She raised an eyebrow at his enthusiasm. It was almost as though he was having a cardiospasm.

He pulled out his pen and held it up. "I'm going to kill you," he shouted, "duh-yup!" Takada yelled and scrambled away. This is why Mikami was glad he was gay.

"Stabitty-stab!" he sang, thrusting the pen, jab after jab. "Kira should never have let you stay! You were always getting in his way!"

Blood and gore splashed onto the floor. Now there was a fucking dead body up against the wall. In a way, she looked kind of like a doll. Her fucking gall.

Mikami whistled as he left. This is what she got for committing her godly theft. Little did he know that an equally jealous Misa was on his trail. She was waiting outside with a knife for him—oh, fucking fail.


End file.
